Friday 5 November 2010

The Phone Rang

A strange thing happened today.  The phone, my second line connected via the computer and allowing free, if hard to hear and hard to be heard phone calls, kept ringing.  

That’s only strange if you know that I just use this line for dialling out.  No one knows the number, not even me.  So when it rang  for the fourth time in the same amount of hours, I suspected the line was malfunctioning somewhat.  No big deal but I did feel the need to share this with my fourth caller of the day once he’d asked for a fourth different name for somebody who certainly wasn’t me.

“What do you do then?” the comfy, slightly effeminate voice asked from the other end of the line.

“Copywriting,” I answered.

“Oh wow,” he broke in quickly before I could attempt to return the question.  “You must be very clever.”

“Exceedingly!  You wouldn’t believe how clever I have to be to do this job,” I said, feeling the need to cover the 300 words I was struggling to cut by a hundred on a local roofing company.  “How about you?”


So I have to ask, don’t I?  Why, when I’m not remotely impressed by fame, fortune or indeed anything to do with celebrity, am I reduced to a giggling wreck when I ask,  “Oh gosh [tee hee], do I know you?”

“Yes,” he answers.

Yes!  But he’s not allowed to tell me who he is.  Awwww.  So I draw upon all my feminine guise, explain how hard it is to be alone here every day at my desk, tapping out highly charged, fiendishly intelligent copy, and how I really won’t tell anyone, honest.  And he capitulates. 

“Andrew Bernard,” he says.  He was hoping to speak to his agent.  “Are you on the internet?”  I found it quite endearing when he proceeded to give me the full link to his website without realising that I could simply google him and his would be the top result. 

So, Mr Andrew Bernard, it seems you’ve been in everything.  You will recognise him.  Check out his website  You can even listen to him speak, the voice which spoke to me, in my home, on the line that sits clothed in dusty cobwebs, not un-reminiscent of the phone to the Carlsberg Complaints Line.  That’s the voice which made me laugh out loud before I got back to my roofer and the one hundred words I began shifting with renewed vigour. 

Thank you, Andrew for making me giggle, and all the very best for whatever project you were hoping to discuss when you accidentally called little old me.


  1. ohhhhh presenter of JML products, my utter favourites :-)
    Everyone should have at least one "off the wall" moment each day. Nice one !!

  2. It certainly sounded more interesting than a call from an empty fuel tank!!
    How come these things happen to you?

  3. Hazel, it's funny, everyone knows him from SOMEWHERE, although I'm not sure I can picture you in front of a tv watching anything, too many chickens to attend to, jars of chutney to fill?? How's it going?

  4. Ron, you just have to spend long enough in your study and all amount of strange events befall...!!

  5. Excellent. Did you ask him to look at Glass Houses? I would have. The only wrong numbers I seem to get are from confused pensioners.

  6. Of course I have had to look him up! No doubt all your other followers have too! I hope he has also had a look at your website/blog so that he knows you are much more than a copywriter (although an honourable profession I am sure). Glad to see you are back on the blog anyway as I have been missing it.

  7. Sonic, I didn't ask him to look at Glass Houses - would you like to be my agent???

  8. Funny, funny, I've had a couple of lovely messages from him, it seems he liked the blog and has posted the link on his Facebook page :-) He says he's had increased traffic to his website and loads of phone calls (he didn't say what they were about) so you're right, you weren't the only one to take a trip over to his site LynW!!!
    Sadly, my Carsberg line has been spookily quiet every since the now infamous phone call.

  9. Jackie- that's the best so far! Well it made me laugh- you must be famous by association?

  10. Thanks for reading T, glad you liked the story. I have to say, it tickles me every time I think about it. If you saw it in a film you'd snigger with derision!

  11. Hilarious!

    Loved it. Sometimes, when things like this happen, you have to love life, because it really makes you giggle.

    I do remember your book (the beginning) quite well and I liked it a lot, though it's different to your comedy voice. I assume you plan to write in your natural voice one day?

  12. Hi Stella, thanks for dropping by and glad it made you smile! I'm honoured you remember the beginning of Glass Houses, thank you, and very interested in what you say about comedy. It's probably true that I do find life quite amusing, generally, but when I write fiction I can't help going a bit dark... maybe that's why I like writing my blog, the chance to play around a bit. But I hear what you say and it's lodged itself for further thought!

    How's your writing going? Any successes lately?


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