Monday 20 January 2014

Pebbles

Sometimes someone chucks a pebble onto the path we're walking and we trip before staggering slowly back to our feet.

Every time a sizeable pebble has been thrown in my direction I've sought solace in writing, either in my own in the form of a diary or in that of others -which has been more tricky. Whenever I've wanted to find real life stories of people who've faced similar pebbles and, most crucially, are walking upright again, I haven't really found them.

When my boyfriend died when he was only 17, I searched for that book but I never found it. Years later I vowed I'd write a version of my story in the hope it might comfort people in their darkest moments that there IS life after the death of a loved one – even at 16 when the world is still so gloriously black and white. But I never wrote it.

When my daughter had a stroke, only 15 small months of age, I devoured websites, support groups, non-fiction and even fiction to find an inspirational story of a baby with half a body paralysed who'd then gone on to lead a happy, fulfilled life. And even though I know the world is packed with such success stories now, my 13 year old daughter being one of them, I couldn't find the story I craved back then.

So, now I learn that I have breast cancer and the path of the next few months – and years – will be well speckled with pebbles on the route to what I pray is a full recovery.

But this time, I've decided that I am going to write it down.

I'm going to blog about the journey. But I want my posts to have purpose, not just to be cathartic for me, but with the aim of calming a few nerves for those in a similar position but who are perhaps a little further back on the road. So I will only post when I feel I have something positive to say, something I've felt or learnt which might help someone in a similar position. It won't be for everyone, already I fear my humour is lurching a little into the macabre, but if I can pass on the message that having cancer is not all bad, then I'll call that a success.

You know, it's really hard to feel down when so many people are showering you with love and caring. Love really is what makes the world go round, or should be anyway. 

Have a great week!

20 comments:

  1. look forward to reading.
    Lots of love

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    1. Thanks Hazel! Now I just have to think of something to write - now I've committed myself ;)

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  2. Oh Jackie - I'm reeling. I thought something was wrong. Jesus - you deserve some stardust sprinkled on your path; some rose petals, or marshmallows or little pots of bubbles. I'm going to put you in touch with another blogger friend of min, Yvonne Watterson (I think you've had 'curly' chats before). She's been walking that path and blogging about it for a while now, and kicking the pebbles out of the way. I'm sending you a huge cyber hug, and some more love to keep that shower going.
    Take care. Xxxx

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  3. Thank you Lesley, that rose petaled path sounds lovely :) I shall take my lead from you as you've had more of your share of adversity lately and dealt with it with immense positivity and strength. Thanks for putting me in touch with your friend x

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  4. I'm reeling too. Jackie, I don't know what to say. Sending love. And looking forward to reading your posts. You're a great writer xx

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  5. Thanks Louise and don't worry about what to say, love and compliments about my writing will always go down well :D I'm hoping normal life will still tick along behind the scenes and thus fully intend seeing you again at the next Twitter Lunch!

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  6. We are all rooting for you Jax and sending lots of love and compliments on your writing which is so powerful. Just read a quote from someone called Zig Ziglar (absolutely no idea who he is I am afraid) anyway he said "you cannot tailor make the situations in life, but you can tailor make the attitudes to fit those situations" and if anyone epitomised this more than you I would like to meet them!

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    1. Thanks for your lovely comment and positive vibes :) I'm glad my post hit the spot, didn't want to offend anyone! And that's a great quote, Mr Ziglar, I shall have to look him up.

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  7. Hey little sister, just going to say that is so typical of you, what most people would call a bloody great rock, you call a pebble! You rock, love you xxx

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    1. Hey big sis, nice to see you over at my blog :) If it's a rock we shall make it a pebble and send it back where it came from post haste! Big love back atcha!

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  8. Jackie I only spotted your post this morning so I'm a bit late in sending hugs, support and commiserations. It is a brilliant post and you have already inspired me in your episode one with your positivism and writing!

    We seem to have some bits of stuff in common. Feet and boobs - in two words :-)
    I hope that doesn't sound flippant, as it is meant sincerely - but in the spirit of 'if you don't laugh' ..

    TG my boobs are better - I think. I finished my second lot of 5 year treatment earlier last year. And so will be with you in spirit all the way and watching for those posts. As for my foot. Well you have inspired me to 'fess up' and post an update, hopefully, next week in time for an op on 10 Feb which will set me back on another year of rehab - but eventually lead, hopefully, to an all dancing and fully (well almost) new foot.

    Hope to see you at one of those Three Sussex Writers events and we can kick a couple of pebbles into oblivion over a cuppa :-)) xxx

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    1. Sue, thank you for your lovely words. And I love your, 'if you don't laugh' attitude so carry on, no problem. But I didn't know about your own boobs battle. I am with you in spirit too as I know the first few years after treatment ending are still difficult, lurching a bit from one scan to another from what I've heard, but I really do think that modern medicine is amazing and doctors have never been better able to deal with what's thrown at them than now. I'm intrigued about your foot and look forward to your post - in fact, maybe it's already written, I shall take a look. Pictures of you dancing next year also obligatory, of course ;) Best of luck with everything and yes, if I can get down to a Three Sussex event, I'd love to see you all there x

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  9. Sending lots of strength and support through the web! I hope writing about it will help you and others x

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  10. Absolutely shocked to read this post. And for once lost for words. Still want to let you know that I'm with you and sending you the best of thoughts. A constant stream of good energy meant to help you on that long road ahead. Take care!!!

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    1. Thanks Karin :) I felt bad that I'd been so quiet, particularly when you kept sending me nice mentions on Twitter. But I'm back now and spending far too long on various social networking sites... hope all's well with you?

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  11. Amazing and inspirational Jackie...can not begin to imagine what you are going through and have already been through. Big hugs, looking forward to lots of reads at the expense of your amazing talent for writing. X

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  12. I'm so very sorry to hear your news, Jackie.

    I can identify to some extent, having been diagnosed with cancer (cervical) ten years ago. I was lucky and recovered after extensive surgery, and although I thought of writing about it I could never bring myself to do it.

    I'll look forward to reading about your journey, and wish you the very best xx.

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  13. Thanks Karen, and I am truly sorry to hear about your cancer but great that it's now ten years behind you. It affects so many people that it really isn't any wonder that we all either get it or are close to someone who does - it's still a bit of a shock though, isn't it. Here's to us celebrating your twenty years and my ten years clear in 2025!

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